Divorce: How to support your child (Copy)
How to Support Your Child Through a Divorce
Divorce is one of the most difficult experiences someone can go through, whether it’s the adult processing the separation or the child navigating the changes. Children are incredibly resilient; however, understanding the emotional impact on them is essential in order to validate their experience and provide the support they need to build resilience and strengths as they process the divorce.
As a parent, this can be incredibly difficult because you’re also experiencing your own emotional whirlwind from such a major life change. That’s why it’s important to work through your emotions so you can be present for your child as they work through theirs. Therapy can be a helpful tool for both your own emotional processing and your child’s. Even your presence, reassurance, and consistent communication can make a profound difference in how they adjust and heal.
Here are practical and emotionally attuned strategies to help support your child through divorce:
1. Prioritize Open and Age-Appropriate Communication / Encourage Emotional Expression
Children need to understand what’s happening, but in a way that’s developmentally appropriate. Honesty is important, without placing blame, and should be shared in simple, age-appropriate language. Reassurance is key during times of change. Repeating messages of stability, such as “You’re safe, and we’re still a family”, helps
soothe uncertainty. Allowing for questions is a validating way to understand your child’s experience and gives them space to express possible worry or confusion.
Give your child time and space to share their emotions in whatever way or at whatever time feels comfortable to them. Validating their feelings, even if they are triggering for you, creates a safe emotional space. This may require your own emotional regulation and mindfulness practices, such as grounding or deep breathing, to remain present for their emotions. Offering outlets for emotional expression, like journaling or guided activities, can be helpful. The Letting Go Workbook by Dr. Sharie Coombes is a great resource for children.
2. Maintain Consistency and Routine
Children thrive with predictability. While some things will inevitably change, preserving aspects of their normal routine, such as mealtimes, school, and bedtime, helps them feel grounded. Co-parents can work together to keep consistency between homes and communicate about extracurricular activities, school events, and other commitments. Avoiding sudden, unnecessary changes helps maintain stability and supports their mental health.
3. Avoid Putting Kids in the Middle and Model Healthy Coping
Children should never feel like messengers, referees, or spies between parents, as this creates stress, loyalty conflicts, and long-term emotional harm. Speak directly to your co-parent rather than communicating through your child. Avoid speaking negatively about the other parent in front of your child, not only is this important for their emotional well-being, but it is also legally sound. Encouraging healthy relationships between your child and both parents is important for the child’s overall wellbeing. Your children are also watching how you navigate this transition. While it’s okay for them to see you have emotions, showing them healthy ways to process those feelings teaches resilience. Build a support network for yourself so you have the emotional capacity to support your child.
4. Your Support Matters More Than You Know
Divorce does not define your child’s future, but how it is handled can shape their
emotional well-being. Research has shown overtime that it is not the trauma itself that defines a person but how they handle the trauma and process it that does and even more so what kind of support they have in healing from the trauma.
Even in the midst of change, your relationship with your child can grow stronger. Let them know they are deeply loved, supported, and secure. That message, deliered over time, builds the foundation for healing.
